i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
