i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
