I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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