So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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