I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
