Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
