Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
