u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
