if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
