I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
