We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
