Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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