i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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