I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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