Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
