i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
