Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize