Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
