Soap is not a condiment
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
