i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
