I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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