I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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