Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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