Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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