no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
