Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
