from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
