he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
