Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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