Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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