I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
