Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
