I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
