i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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