so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
