The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
