At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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