I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
