Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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