I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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