true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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