it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
