could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
