I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
