That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize