Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
