textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
