He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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