If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
