i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
