i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
