My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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