if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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