Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
