Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
