i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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