I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
