sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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