Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
