its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize