i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
