I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
