well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the condom got lost in my hair
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
