I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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