He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
