Can i not drive my cunt home
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and she was petting her beer can
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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