I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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