I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
