You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
