Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
