Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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