so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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