its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
